Steven: heyo sistah
Fay: Hey bra
Steven: what’s the haps baps?
Steven: USE YOUR WORDS
Fay: how’s your week been? BOOK STYLZ
Steven: well right now i’m reading state of wonder by ann patchett. it’s alright!
Steven: that is all
Steven: xoxo steven
Fay: I quite enjoyed it myself
Fay: It’s not quite as good as Bel Canto but it’s certainly trying
Steven: except that dr swenson (as of only around 150 pages in) – the WORST
Steven: be worse OH WAIT YOU CAN’T
Steven: NO SPOILERS
Fay: No spoilers ever! Sunflower guarantee
Steven: BRAM PRESSER can’t say the same…
Steven: BRAM PRESSER, winner of the age short story competition, loyal customer and JERK EXTRAORDINAIRE
Fay: Right. That sounds like it has some backstory
Fay: but now is not the time!
Steven: yes the story of how bram presser is a SPOILERY nemesis can wait for the tournament of books
Steven: COMING SOON GUYS
Steven: yanyway, whatCHU reading now?
Fay: I am rereading The Waves by my pal Vwoolf which is one of the most beautiful books ever written probably
Fay: And Suzy Zail’s new young adult book The Wrong Boy which is amazing so far (and we’re doing an event with her, keep watching for details)
Fay: Aaaannnnddd I think that’s actually it for once
Steven: THANK GOD
Steven: in the time it took you to write back I DIED OF OLD AGE AND CYCLES PASSED TILL I WAS RESURRECTED IN THE SAME FORM
Steven: so, you know, pretty long
Fay: Well I just kind of sat here for a minute or two, DRAMA QUEEN
Steven: so fay, what’re we talkin about this week?
Fay: Well I thought we could formulate some questions that we can pose to unsuspecting authors!
Fay: The only good one I’ve come up with is ‘What book do you wish you’d written?’
Steven: the bible
Steven: the new bit AND the old bit
Steven: next question?
Fay: No i mean to actual authors not internet sensations
Steven: i thought this was my shot
Steven: at fame
Fay: It is, we had like 3 views yesterday!
Steven: A STAR IS BLOG
Fay: So what else do you think we should ask?
Steven: Well what did you ask FAMOUS AUTHOR elliot perlman when you interviewed him?
Steven: COMING SOON TO A BLOG NEAR YOU
Steven: specifically this one?
Fay: author specific stuff
Fay: oh wait no not all!
Fay: ‘When did you know you wanted to be a writer?’
Fay: Don’t answer that, it’s not for you note the quotation marks
Steven: oh yeah that’s orright!
Steven: how about ‘what’s your perfect sunday’?
Steven: TOO good?
Fay: What are you, SundayLife?
Fay: How about ‘If you were a colour, which would you be?’
Steven: ALL COLOURS
Fay: That’s white
Steven: IS IT?
Fay: And again, not for you
Steven: how about, for realsies, ‘what advice can you give to aspiring young writers’
Steven: obvs cliched but i guess there’s a reason?
Steven: or aspiring old writers too!
Fay: nah I think that’s good
Fay: I do think we need something flippant thought
Steven: because our questions aren’t shallow enough already COME ON
Fay: how about, if you were a book cover, describe it for us
Steven: very handsome
Steven: OK let’s get to some serious q’s!
Steven: (that’s short for questions, you guys)
Fay: Book that changed your life and how
Fay: How’s that for deep
Fay: What’s harder to write: sex or violence?
Steven: Franzen or Kanye?
Steven: WAIT WAIT
Steven: in a fist fight
Fay: Voice of a generation FIGHT TO THE DEATH
Fay: What music do you listen to while writing?
Fay: Or, do you ever write naked?
Steven: gross do NOT want to imagine that
Steven: authors are HOMELY
Fay: Ouch. We had a whole discussion about attractive writers in the Chatz on Sat(urday) you missed
Fay: OBVIOUSLY you did not read it L
Steven: well OBVIOUSLY i would have rebutted that with alexandre dumas
Fay: ‘What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done in an interview?’
Fay: self referential, yo
Steven: but that’s part of what’s BAD about it
Steven: also i imagine most will say, ‘nothing?’
Steven: with that inflection
Fay: ok we could finish the interview with ‘what’s the best interview question you’ve been asked’ and then pose that one to the next author
Fay: in a neverending cycle
Fay: for reals though this is a real idea
Steven: oh yeah i kinda like that
Steven: though, let’s face it, our interview is still lookin pretty lean
Steven: AND NOT like a fighting machine LET ME TELL YOU
Fay: Ok how about ‘what’s your favourite place to write?’
Steven: yeah that’ll do
Steven: favourite work you’ve written and least favourite and why and why?
Fay: too much to have both?
Steven: no that’s totes a good question!
Fay: We want it to be short and snappy so people won’t hate doing it
Fay: and won’t hate us forever
Steven: yeah but we also want to have SOMETHING from it
Steven: this is HARD HITTING NEWSBOLTS fay
Steven: and i won’t compromise on my values if i’m not getting paid
Fay: Is it though? I thought it was more like author puff pieces
Steven: half and half
Fay: ok so let’s review:
Fay: We have:
- What book do you wish you’d written?
- When did you know you wanted to be a writer?
- What book changed your life and how?
- What advice would you give to aspiring writers?
- Franzen or Kanye?
- WAIT WAIT
- In a fist fight?
- Where do you write?
- What is your favourite and least favourite of your works and why?
- What’s the best interview question you’ve ever been asked?
Steven: that’ll do pig
Fay: what are you implying?
Steven: that you have porcine features?
Steven: and with that, i feel, we’ve nailed it
Steven: good night australia
Steven: i’m steven helfenbaum