Chatz on Sat(urday)

From the bottom of my heart I apologise for this week’s Chatz on Sat(urday).

Fay: Hey Steven, feel like some chatz?
Steven: Will you take no as an answer?
Fay: Yes, but you will be letting the team down.
Steven: and i do need this job
Steven: alright let’s BRING THE CHATZZZ
Steven: ZZ
Steven: Z
Steven: ZZZZZ
Fay: YES
Fay: I got it
Fay: So what book things have you been up to this week?
Steven: well i’ve been selling some. and i’ve been reading one, swamplandia! by karen russell. it’s partially about alligator wrasslin so if nothing else it has great promise
Fay: Alligator wrasslin! That sounds like a wholesome and safe pursuit. How are you finding it so far?
Steven: well she writes good like. and yeah it totes has lots o promise but right now i’m finding it’s taking a while to GET somewhere
Steven: (i can say less than perfect things about it because we don’t stock it)
Steven: what’s book related up with you?
Steven: bear in mind i’m PROBABLY not that interested
Steven: but my shift finishes in 10
Fay: Well I am reading lots of things at the same time.
Fay: I’m reading ‘The Mayor of Casterbridge’ (check spelling), my first Thomas Hardy novel which I’m really enjoying.
Fay: I’m simultaneously reading ‘Hope: a Tragedy’ Shalom Auslander, but I haven’t read that much yet. So I can’t say much about the subject matter but he writes effortlessly. That is the word that comes to mind.
Fay: AND I am reading 1Q84 which is EXCELLENT but demoralisingly long
Steven: my new italian restaurant will be called the mayor of pastabridge
Fay: So I saw this article which was fun:
Fay: I mean the first picture is quite scary but still
Fay: I was surprised by the 60% kids book ratio
Steven: yeah people are way too hooked up on their childhood
Fay: Although I suppose if I was going to get a tattoo (which I’m not, don’t worry parents!) mine would be a kids book
Fay: But then that’s kind of my thing anyway
Steven: also ‘we’re all mad here’ as a tattoo come on guys, you’re better than that
Steven: in fact you’re better than everything on that list
Steven: (no offence Marieke hardy with your slaughterhouse 5 tat love ya babes)
Fay: What’s Marieke Hardy’s?
Steven: I think it’s that so it goes one
Fay: Well actually we are as a nation improving, apparently. Zan from next door told me that for the first time in years the number of southern cross tattoos is going down exponentially
Fay: If I was to get a book tattoo it would be a tiny, super prettily coloured Carbothello the Dragon (the best book on Dragon ennui ever written)
Fay: But yeah it would suck if everyone else started getting your carefully thought out tattoo
Steven: Yeah I bet the people with fight club tattoos were SO PISSED when the movie came out
Steven: I don’t know what i’d get, but i know what CHAD LIGHTNINGSTORMATTACK would get
Steven: an eagle
Steven: but then it’s penis is a gun
Fay: I really don’t want to
Steven: but back to books (which we sell you guys!)
Steven: it’s tricky because obvs the best thing about books are the wordz (lines like that are how i got me this job) but then wordz tattoos are boring
Fay: If I had to pick an adult book it would be hard because my favourite authors are wordy
Fay: Ok. So I think we’ve exhausted the topic.
Fay: Feel free to reply with your literary inspired tattoo ideas
Steven: look i’m not impressed by this CHATZ
Steven: I would rate it 3/10
Steven: last week’s was a solid 7
Fay: I rate your face 3/10
Fay: In fact, whichever tattoo idea is the best Steven will tattoo ON HIS FACE
Steven: yours is a 0/10
Steven: like if you didn’t have features I wouldn’t even guess it WAS a face
Fay: SIGH. And here’re the cheap shots that you know and love. Although to be fair I started it…
Steven: so SOZ guys
Steven: but yah TATTOO MAH FACE
Fay: Ok we’ll try to get to 5/10 next week and average it out
Steven: xoxoxoxo
Steven: until next week
Steven: i’m Steven Helfenbaum
Fay: Feel free to suggest better topics for next Sat!

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