Chatz on Sat(urday)

Shalom! Welcome to the blog’s newest feature… CHATZ ON SAT(URDAY)! Every week at the shop, Fay and I will chat about books and record our conversations for posterity.

Steven: hey buddy

Steven: what’s up

Steven: this SAT

Steven: (urday)

Fay: Not a lot, mon frere

Fay: yourself?

Steven: enough of the boring let’s get to the BOOKZ!

Steven: whatcha been reading?

Fay:  you’re boring

Steven: hurtful

Steven: though sometimes I fear it’s true

Fay: it hurts because you secretly suspected it all along

Steven: I wonder if people feel that way

Steven: so, um, THANKS.

Fay: I just finished ‘The Last Brother’ by Natacha Appanah which is one of the ToB books. It was pretttttyyy good

Steven: tell me about it!

Steven: Briefly

Fay: WELL

Steven: BRIEFLY

Fay: (it’s funny if you’ve ever heard me talk)

Fay: So it’s about young Raj who in 1944 lives a pretty solitary existence as a 9 year old from the middle of nowhere, Mauritius. But his father is a prison warden at a prison where Jews who have been deported from Palestine have been sent.

Steven:  all these customers. Interrupting our chat.

Steven: all these LOVELY customers. Who are the best

Steven: and buy our books.

Steven: Please?

Fay: Anyway so Raj becomes friends with young David, a ten year old orphaned boy from Czechoslovakia and it’s about their friendship and Raj’s life on the island and stufffff.  And it’s poignant and poetic and translated from the French, yo. It’s also nice because it’s only 200 pages which I appreciate considering I have 8 books to read in 5 weeks. So how are you going with your tome?

Steven: Must be so hard for you

Fay: First world problems, man.

Steven: People are SUFFERING and stuff. Not like, me personally.

Fay: Yeah I thought I covered that with first world problems.

Steven: Except in the emotionz

Fay: SIGH. You are such a drama queen today

Steven: You’re such a MONSTER. ALWAYS. ANYWAY.

Fay: So how are you going with your tome speaking of page numberzs

Steven: my book’s really good!

Fay: (I know)

Steven: You read it last week!

Fay: (yeah)

Steven: (see blog for more!)

Steven: i like the way the words are good and stuff?

Fay: That pretty much covers it

Steven: look I need more practice at this reviewing, I won’t deny it

Fay: for a better account of THE ART OF FIELDING read my post from last week.

Steven: it’s cleverly written and a very sweet book (though not like, gross) and the characters are fantastic and it’s great. Unlike that MARRIAGE PLOT BOOK. With which it has similarities. Which we shall discuss in the Tournament!

Fay: Oh my god I can’t believe we’re doing this again

Steven: Just prepping the world for an EPIC DEBATE

Fay: OK yes, let’s put the public sniping away until then

Steven: but that’s where this blog largely derives its humour! And my sweet proze

Fay: Only because we are petty and lazy

Steven: it’s definitely easier to write. BACK TO BOOKS

Fay: Ok, this morning I read an article in the Age about a lady who has written a thriller that is apparently exciting and well publicised and all. BUT apparently her NAME was not thrilling enough

Steven: Oh was that Ali Knight?

Fay: yeah

Steven: I AM SO AHEAD OF THE BALL.

Steven: Wait is that a saying? That people say?

Steven: With their mouths?

Fay: We should play more ball sports.

Steven: DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION?

Fay: It sounds like a thing let’s run with it. Also FOCUS

Steven: NEVER

Fay:  ANYWAY if you were to write an exciting thriller, what would your thriller pen name be?

Steven: Well Fay, I’m glad you asked

Fay: And the surname shouldn’t start with A or WXYZ apparently

Steven: My favourite pseudonym is Johannes Thundersack. But that’s not so thrillery

Fay: Boy do I know

Steven: So I guess it would be CHAD LIGHTNINGSTORMATTACK. What about yours?

Fay: THAT IS PURE DISTILLED AWESOME. I actually have never thought about it

Steven: and my book would be called EDGE OF DEATH

Steven: by CHAD LIGHTNINGSTORMATTACK

Fay: And it should have a boat on the front, adrift from its mooring

Fay: That’s a thing now

Steven: With rolling waves and the title embossed in shiny writing.

Fay: You know like every attempted Swedish thriller ever?

Steven: DOES CHAD LIGHTNINGSTORMATTACK SOUND SWEDISH TO YOU? No, my book will have spies and assassins and international conspiracies and sexxx. And by my I mean CHAD LIGHTNINGSTORMATTACK

Fay: So like James Bond?

Steven: But crappier

Fay: SO yeah I don’t know about mine. I’m happy to hear constructive ideas in the comments. I think my first name needs to have harsh consonant sounds like…. Kristy.

Fay: But it should be angrodynous so men will actually buy my book

Steven: Kristy Daggerstrike

Fay: Less girly

Steven: What ARE the manliest sounding initials?

Fay: I should be Kris something

Steven: J.R.R.Penis

Fay: (ignoring, also lolz) The wrong spelling suggests I could be some sort of European

Steven: Look, I think we’re just going to have to leave it up to the public. SO suggest some names, look out for our poll and whichever wins FAY WILL LEGALLY CHANGE HER NAME TO FOREVER

Steven: And so ends this chatz on sat(urday)

Fay: WHAT

Fay: NO. I never said that!

Steven: I’m CHAD LIGHTNINGSTORMATTACK. Bidding you good night, and good luck

Fay: NO. You’re actually not finishing like that

Steven: TOO LATE mon frere. Thanks everybody, and remember to BUY SOME BOOKS

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One thought on “Chatz on Sat(urday)

  1. Jess says:

    I love you guys.

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