Shalom! Welcome to the blog’s newest feature… CHATZ ON SAT(URDAY)! Every week at the shop, Fay and I will chat about books and record our conversations for posterity.
Steven: hey buddy
Steven: what’s up
Steven: this SAT
Fay: Not a lot, mon frere
Steven: enough of the boring let’s get to the BOOKZ!
Steven: whatcha been reading?
Fay: you’re boring
Steven: though sometimes I fear it’s true
Fay: it hurts because you secretly suspected it all along
Steven: I wonder if people feel that way
Steven: so, um, THANKS.
Fay: I just finished ‘The Last Brother’ by Natacha Appanah which is one of the ToB books. It was pretttttyyy good
Steven: tell me about it!
Fay: (it’s funny if you’ve ever heard me talk)
Fay: So it’s about young Raj who in 1944 lives a pretty solitary existence as a 9 year old from the middle of nowhere, Mauritius. But his father is a prison warden at a prison where Jews who have been deported from Palestine have been sent.
Steven: all these customers. Interrupting our chat.
Steven: all these LOVELY customers. Who are the best
Steven: and buy our books.
Fay: Anyway so Raj becomes friends with young David, a ten year old orphaned boy from Czechoslovakia and it’s about their friendship and Raj’s life on the island and stufffff. And it’s poignant and poetic and translated from the French, yo. It’s also nice because it’s only 200 pages which I appreciate considering I have 8 books to read in 5 weeks. So how are you going with your tome?
Steven: Must be so hard for you
Fay: First world problems, man.
Steven: People are SUFFERING and stuff. Not like, me personally.
Fay: Yeah I thought I covered that with first world problems.
Steven: Except in the emotionz
Fay: SIGH. You are such a drama queen today
Steven: You’re such a MONSTER. ALWAYS. ANYWAY.
Fay: So how are you going with your tome speaking of page numberzs
Steven: my book’s really good!
Fay: (I know)
Steven: You read it last week!
Steven: (see blog for more!)
Steven: i like the way the words are good and stuff?
Fay: That pretty much covers it
Steven: look I need more practice at this reviewing, I won’t deny it
Fay: for a better account of THE ART OF FIELDING read my post from last week.
Steven: it’s cleverly written and a very sweet book (though not like, gross) and the characters are fantastic and it’s great. Unlike that MARRIAGE PLOT BOOK. With which it has similarities. Which we shall discuss in the Tournament!
Fay: Oh my god I can’t believe we’re doing this again
Steven: Just prepping the world for an EPIC DEBATE
Fay: OK yes, let’s put the public sniping away until then
Steven: but that’s where this blog largely derives its humour! And my sweet proze
Fay: Only because we are petty and lazy
Steven: it’s definitely easier to write. BACK TO BOOKS
Fay: Ok, this morning I read an article in the Age about a lady who has written a thriller that is apparently exciting and well publicised and all. BUT apparently her NAME was not thrilling enough
Steven: Oh was that Ali Knight?
Steven: I AM SO AHEAD OF THE BALL.
Steven: Wait is that a saying? That people say?
Steven: With their mouths?
Fay: We should play more ball sports.
Steven: DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION?
Fay: It sounds like a thing let’s run with it. Also FOCUS
Fay: ANYWAY if you were to write an exciting thriller, what would your thriller pen name be?
Steven: Well Fay, I’m glad you asked
Fay: And the surname shouldn’t start with A or WXYZ apparently
Steven: My favourite pseudonym is Johannes Thundersack. But that’s not so thrillery
Fay: Boy do I know
Steven: So I guess it would be CHAD LIGHTNINGSTORMATTACK. What about yours?
Fay: THAT IS PURE DISTILLED AWESOME. I actually have never thought about it
Steven: and my book would be called EDGE OF DEATH
Steven: by CHAD LIGHTNINGSTORMATTACK
Fay: And it should have a boat on the front, adrift from its mooring
Fay: That’s a thing now
Steven: With rolling waves and the title embossed in shiny writing.
Fay: You know like every attempted Swedish thriller ever?
Steven: DOES CHAD LIGHTNINGSTORMATTACK SOUND SWEDISH TO YOU? No, my book will have spies and assassins and international conspiracies and sexxx. And by my I mean CHAD LIGHTNINGSTORMATTACK
Fay: So like James Bond?
Steven: But crappier
Fay: SO yeah I don’t know about mine. I’m happy to hear constructive ideas in the comments. I think my first name needs to have harsh consonant sounds like…. Kristy.
Fay: But it should be angrodynous so men will actually buy my book
Steven: Kristy Daggerstrike
Fay: Less girly
Steven: What ARE the manliest sounding initials?
Fay: I should be Kris something
Fay: (ignoring, also lolz) The wrong spelling suggests I could be some sort of European
Steven: Look, I think we’re just going to have to leave it up to the public. SO suggest some names, look out for our poll and whichever wins FAY WILL LEGALLY CHANGE HER NAME TO FOREVER
Steven: And so ends this chatz on sat(urday)
Fay: NO. I never said that!
Steven: I’m CHAD LIGHTNINGSTORMATTACK. Bidding you good night, and good luck
Fay: NO. You’re actually not finishing like that
Steven: TOO LATE mon frere. Thanks everybody, and remember to BUY SOME BOOKS